Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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