it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
why do cheetos always look like penises
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
