My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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