In the future we'll all be gay
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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