I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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