Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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