i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
