we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
