I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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