Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
