I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
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Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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