All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
