There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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