I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
