well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
