Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
