I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
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My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
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I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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