Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
