I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
