If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the day after is always just damage control
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
