i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
