Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
