woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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