It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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