Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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