I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
