google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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