ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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