You're my little dorito
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
