I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
