so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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