Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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