The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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