your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
