I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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