I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
