A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
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