never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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