You're so nebulous sometimes
I need help removing her.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
