Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
