Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
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So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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