And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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