Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
