And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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