My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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