They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
