apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
