Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
