dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
