i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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