I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
