i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
