I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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