I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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