We're like a lot better than the average bears
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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