she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
