I'm eating all of the evidence.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
