i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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