you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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