is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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