I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
