i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
