We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
