Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
