do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
