ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
