Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
