He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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