I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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