I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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