Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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