pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
