Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
