Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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